The Kama Sutra
Chapter II - Of Creating Confidence in the Girl
.... Vatsyayana says that the man should begin to win her over, and to create confidence in her,
but should abstain at first from sexual pleasures. Women, being of a tender nature, want tender beginnings,
and when they are forcibly approached by men with whom they are but slightly acquainted,
they sometimes suddenly become haters of sexual connection, and sometimes even haters of the male sex.
The man should therefore approach the girl according to her liking,
and should make use of those devices by which he may be able to establish himself more and more into her confidence.
These devices are as follows:
He should embrace her first of all in a way she likes most, because it does not last for a long time.
He should embrace her with the upper part of his body because that is easier and simpler.
If the girl is grown up, or if the man has known her for some time, he may embrace her by the light of a lamp,
but if he is not well acquainted with her, or if she is a young girl, he should then embrace her in darkness.
....[If she does not accept his embrace,] he should induce her to do so by conciliatory words, entreaties, oaths,
and kneeling at her feet, for it is a universal rule that however bashful or angry a woman may be
she never disregards a man's kneeling at her feet....
When she is gained over in this respect he should then make her talk,
and so that she may be induced to talk he should ask her questions about things of which he knows
or pretends to know nothing, and which can be answered in a few words. If she does not speak to him,
he should not frighten her, but should ask her the same thing again and again in a conciliatory manner.
If she does not then speak he should urge her to give a reply because, as Ghotakamukha says,
'all girls hear everything said to them by men, but do not themselves sometimes say a single word'.
When she is thus importuned, the girl should give replies by shakes of the head,
but if she has quarrelled with the man she should not even do that.
When she is asked by the man whether she wishes for him, and whether she likes him,
she should remain silent for a long time, and when at last importuned to reply,
should give him a favourable answer by a nod of her head.
If the man is previously acquainted with the girl he should converse with her by means of a female friend,
who may be favourable to him, and in the confidence of both, and carry on the conversation on both sides.
On such an occasion the girl should smile with her head bent down,
and if the female friend say more on her part than she was desired to do,
she should chide her and dispute with her.
The female friend should say in jest even what she is not desired to say by the girl, and add, 'she says so',
on which the girl should say indistinctly and prettily, 'O no! I did not say so',
and she should then smile and throw an occasional glance towards the man.
After this he should teach her the sixty-four arts, should tell her how much he loves her,
and describe to her the hopes which he formerly entertained regarding her.
He should also promise to be faithful to her in future, and should dispel all her fears with respect to rival women,
and, at last, after having overcome her bashfulness, he should begin to enjoy her in a way so as not to frighten her.
So much about creating confidence in the girl; and there are, moreover, some verses on the subject as follows:
'A man acting according to the inclinations of a girl should try to gain her over so that she may love him
and place her confidence in him. A man does not succeed either by implicitly following the inclination of a girl,
or by wholly opposing her, and he should therefore adopt a middle course.
He who knows how to make himself beloved by women, as well as to increase their honour and create confidence in them,
this man becomes an object of their love. But he who neglects a girl, thinking she is too bashful,
is despised by her as a beast ignorant of the working of the female mind.
Moreover, a girl forcibly enjoyed by one who does not understand the hearts of girls becomes nervous, uneasy,
and dejected, and suddenly begins to hate the man who has taken advantage of her; and then,
when her love is not understood or returned, she sinks into despondency, and becomes either a hater of mankind altogether,
or, hating her own man, she has recourse to other men.'
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