Society for Sacred Sexuality – SSS Initiative to legalize sacred sex instruction

rahasya · Posted: July 16, 2006

Moody, I'd just like to add one caution.

There's much technique that enables various degrees of "God Intoxication". Many are useful for the glimpse through the window that is Satori. Sometimes, in distant history, someone attributed their attainment to the practice, or advisede disciples get a glimpse through it. Usually once.

These practices don't enable awakening, any more than heroin or anything else that can provide that glimpse. They are a look out of a window, not a walk on the street.

I don't know which technique you're calling "tantric sadhana", which means "tantric practice" and refers to a huge range of technique, almost a generic term.

Don't get mesmerised by beautiful visions and beatifications - they are lovely indeed, but there's time enough for that when you're awake, or dead.

To my students, I say "beware of esoteric TV" when they discover entrancing states of bliss, via whichever technique.

Most of Tantric Practice (not supporting exercises, or directed meditations) is specifically designed to trigger awareness.

Awareness, usually translated from the Eastern as "meditation", unflinching awareness and acceptance of the real, howsoever it looks, is the gift, the fruit, the divine nectar of tantric practice.

Rahasya

Gary Joseph · Posted: July 17, 2006

Moody, first I'd like to thank you for posting and sharing your experiences and views. You are exactly the reason why sacred sex instruction SHOULD be legal: because there are genuine, dedicated professionals like you out there who have something more to offer the world than is currently legally acceptable, and there are many more people with sexual and related issues who aren't getting the help they want and need because our social and legal system doesn't allow it.

Yes, there are details to work out so that the system is as ideal as possible and people aren't taken advantage of. Nor do I suggest that any system will be fool-proof, or that there won't be bumps along the road, especially at the beginning, if we legalize this practice. But it's a road worth opening, because the need is great, and the good that will ultimately come out of it is even greater.

Sacred sex instruction will be like every other profession in that it will evolve in time. Practitioners and clients alike will learn what methods work best; practitioners will grow in their own experience and better be able to assist clients; and the best practitioners will become known and others will follow their methods. It is no different than psychology, medicine, or any other therapeutic field, all of which have changed and grown over the many years of their presence in society.

You mentioned several points I'd like to address:

Moody · New Contributor Joined: 25 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

Actually, I should read more and write less. A lot of my concerns are covered very well. I feel so alone in my journey sometimes, having to deal with some of these issues on my own that I tend to just "express." I am rather soft and tend to avoid clashes. You have helped me already. You don't know how relieved I am that I found you. My heart has been aching for people to talk to about the issues I came across as a "healer." Also, because I can't "compete" (and I won't) with the sex workers I developed my massage skills to such high level of nurturing that they are on their own powerfully spiritually transformational. I had clients who went to tantric sex workers who experienced my "non-sexual" healing as more spiritual and more powerful than the work with the sexual healers they had been to. It took me years to develop that kind of work. That for me was healing after having been degraded by tantric sex workers for not giving enough! I love when my clients say something like, you are too good - you don't need to do anything more. I am in bliss." It happened. My ego felt soothed a bit from the pain of not feeling able to give freely.

I love you for having been there for me. I have so many questions and nobody to talk to. This journey I am on is not an easy one sometimes. I think when I tried to talk to tantric workers about the issues, they backed out as if afraid of me. I never wanted to hurt anybody, I wanted to find friends to openly talk about my fears and worries. I wanted to be accepted for who I am and somehow even find community. I am excluded unless I pay them. The traditional tantrics are more nurturing when it comes to community (and I am glad to have them in my life because they are there when things go bad). They are into trying to get "spiritual liberation" and are absorbed in another world. All that "prostitution healer" stuff is really "too much" for them. They would just laugh anyway. I wish the term "prostitution" would be eliminated because of the abuse issues it carries inherently.

Huh??

Gary I send you my love! Namaste! Thank you! luv

Moody · New Contributor Joined: 25 Oct 2005 Posts: 8

Gary Joseph · Posted: July 18, 2006

Thank you for your kind words. You know, I founded the Society for Sacred Sexuality and this website for exactly those same reasons. I've had a desire to create a global community around this knowledge for quite a long time. After personal teaching for several years (counseling, workshops, etc.), I felt that not much progress was being made. I would help a few individuals, and then they would go back to their lives, and a few more would come and I'd start over from ground zero again. The internet offered the opportunity not only to reach so many more people, but to have everything that's offered available to all at anytime. So if someone 10 years from now is facing the same issues as you, they can read these posts and find the same solace you have. It is both an instant and permanent 'community'. My dream now is that it reaches enough people and transforms enough lives that the yearning for it in the real world becomes tangible enough to create it. Then, viola! As you say, there is so much more to come.

Regarding your highly developed massage skills, I understand exactly what you say about awakening people's energy through it, even when it is not overtly sexual. It also can trigger a sexual healing. The reason, as you probably know, is that sexual energy is the same as spiritual energy (life energy). It is one and the same universal energy flowing through the body in different directions. When it flows up into the heart and mind, opening and expanding both, we call it spiritual energy. When it flows primarily down and into the genitals, we call it sexual energy. This of course, is the reason why sex is such a powerful tool for spiritual awakening: because it rouses your energy like none other. All that is left then is to redirect it. Then, ahem, there is much more to come! Hardy-har

I invite you, if you haven't already, to read Lesson 5 in the Sacred Sex Lesson Forum. It deals with massage in much the same way -- not so much as a tool for arousal, but mainly as one for allowing your aroused sexual energy to flow fully through the body to bring about orgasmic release. I'm sure you'd have much insight to contribute there.

You also might like the forum on early sacred sex societies for insight about the term 'prostitution'. Reading a little about the history of others who have walked your path (and been persecuted for it) may comfort you in your own journey. You most definitely are NOT alone -- today or at any time throughout history.

I have mixed feelings about the term. At first, coming from a strong spiritual background, I didn't like it and thought it demeaned the work of the sexual priestesses to whom that label was first applied. But in my experience of teaching sacred sex, I've come across women who wear the 'sacred prostitute' label proudly (even as a banner for advertising), and I realized it is actually a very potent spiritual term (when used with the 'sacred' qualifier in front. The term sacred prostitute indicates exactly what sacred sex is all about: marrying the highest spiritual experience with the 'lowest' bodily one so that both (as we discussed above) are lived together at all times. 'Sacred' refers to the spiritual, and 'Prostitute' refers to the most profane value of body. Together, the term 'Sacred Prostitute' is a marriage of sacred and profane. I think it's a very relevant point in a forum that discusses the legality of what is, under current law, labeled 'prostitution': sacred sex instruction.

Anyway, it's food for thought. I think you're doing quite well dealing with these issues on your own. I'm glad you've found a platform here to express yourself.

Gary Joseph · Posted: July 18, 2006

This post is about choosing sacred sex work as your profession. The issues involved in making this choice are often directly related to the legality of sacred sex instruction that this forum addresses. It is a very real and practical choice that many must make, as shown by the above discussion.

It's very common that massage therapists and related professionals feel a calling to do sacred sex work. They are already familiar with awakening the body's energy to evoke both a healing and spiritual response. It's only natural therefore that they see how working with the sex energy can evoke the same, often more powerfully.

Unfortunately, professionals in these fields, who are overwhelmingly women, must choose between between legal and socially accepted, and doing what they feel is their calling and also what typically better meets their financial needs. It is for precisely this reason that we seek to legalize sacred sex instruction (and also to remove any social stigma around it). No woman (or man, for that matter), should have to make this difficult choice. Sacred sex work is a beneficial profession to society just like any other (see my Interview on this issue for details). Therefore, those who desire to pursue this profession should have legal right to do so. They should also have the same respect in society given to other professionals.

Until the legal and social situation change, and often even after that due to personal instilled values, workers considering this profession face a profound choice. The following points may help such people choose the best course for their personal situation.

First, be aware that the transition from seeing yourself as a massage therapist (or any other profession) to being a sacred sex worker is just that -- a transition. Allow yourself time (and it may take years) to move through that transition, to the point where you feel comfortable and confident doing sacred sex work. Often during this transition, your intellect will go back & forth with reasons why you should or shouldn't take this step. Your inner feeling will be 'I don't know'. The best way to interpret this experience is that 'I don't know means NO.' It is not the time for you to take that step. When you have sorted all the issues out in your own heart and mind, the 'I don't know' feeling will leave, and there will be no more question. Then you should pursue the work.

In the meantime during the transition, the best thing to do is educate yourself. This will be your natural desire anyway. In most cases, sacred sex work will be somewhat new, and you will want to learn and experience as much as you can about it. Note that sacred sex education includes both learning AND experience. Get as much as you can from every available source -- books, internet, workshop, personal counseling, partner(s), and of course personal practice. This 'education' is what will build your comfort and conviction toward doing this work. As you personally grow through your own sacred sex, you will also clearly see what it is you are to give others. This is the primary vision you need as a sacred sex teacher. When it is there, your work will have focus and meaning.

The other thing you can do during this transition (assuming you are currently a massage therapist or otherwise somewhat related to sacred sex work) is to appreciate the sacred sex component in what you already do. For example, a massage therapist works to awaken and move the life energy through the body to maintain or improve the health of the client. Know that this life energy is the same as sex energy, and you are really offering a non-sexual way of evoking a sacred sex response. This not only expands your appreciation for your own work, but more importantly, lets you begin seeing yourself in the role of a sacred sex worker. You need not advertise or even indicate this new perception to your clients. However, it lets you grow comfortable in the role of sacred sex worker without any outward life change. This again will speed your transition.

If after this you still feel that you need a transition phase before directly engaging in sacred sex work, take the above perception one step further. Continue offering the same massage or other therapeutic services that you have been, but begin to promote yourself and speak in the language of sacred sex. As stated above, it IS the same energy, and you are legitimately offering a form of sacred sex work. (Be sure to be clear about the limitations of what you offer, so as not to mislead clients. Phrases like 'a non-sexual, therapeutic way to transform your sexual energy into spiritual experience' are appropriate.) This again lets you grow comfortable in the role of a sacred sex worker while offering the same service you are already comfortable giving. Most clients, even if they're accustomed to your previous work, will appreciate the new insight into its relation to their sex life.

Ultimately, each individual must make their own choice if and when to do sacred sex work. The above ideas can help clarify that issue for you, and let you accept the natural transition you may be going through.

anthranill · Posted: January 21, 2008

While not Constitutionally protected, it seems that contact among people is fine as long as there is no contact. All the laws, morals, fears, taboos seem to be rooted in the fear to experience the one thing that separates us from rocks; our response to touch.

Prostitution, when done independently and consensually, to a sexual union with a friend, to massage, to a hug for a friend, to a handshake, to a shoulder pat, to an uninvited but unaffected nudge (to a glance, to a thought, in some circles) all make up the awareness of humanity.

But some humans fear this, some humans avoid it, and some humans want to prevent this.

Why?

I don't know - religion, power, following the other sheep or ignorance?

Why can't consenting people consent to be people and use their acquired intelligence to avoid those simple and complex threats to individual liberty and group endeavors?

I have seen it done, and know it can happen again. You can too.
Maybe someday we'll meet and make it happen.

Gary Joseph · Posted: January 22, 2008

Hear, hear....

londheart · New Contributor Joined: 03 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

This whole website and its founding ethos seems seriously deficient in important ways. It is founded on an Indian (Hindu) tradition, a perspective which it uses to attack conventional morality and dismiss it and its religious manifestion and centuries of tradition as guff. Can those so dismissive of the surrounding, normal culture really have a superior grasp of the sacred? The idea that most Western spiritual commentators are simply lost in a mass deception does not do them justice, nor is there adequate explanation/analysis of why that should be the case.
The website and Society talks about 'sacred sex instruction,' somewhat coyly blurring the key distinction between teaching about sex and actually selling it. Surely we all know that all articulate practitioners of prostitution will defend themselves in these terms?
Try to help me here - I am not seeking to cause unproductive offence. I am coming from a somewhat different culture, it appears. For example, the 'spiritual lady' at the head of the forum pages appears to me, far from sacred, to be wearing a lewd expression.

Gary Joseph · Posted: January 4, 2009

Hi -- thanks for your views. I'm not sure how much of the website you've read, but I'd like to clarify some misunderstandings.

First, the Society for Sacred Sexuality is NOT founded on Indian or Hindu traditions. Sacred sex has a philosophical origin in the nature of life, which you can read about here. It also has a historical origin in the earliest human societies and civilizations that grew up in the Middle East (what archaelogists call the 'Cradle of Civilization'). You can read about that here.

While India did later develop probably the most advanced and systematic understanding and practice of sacred sex, it is nevertheless just one of many traditions. The only reason it is more represented in the graphics on this website (which probably led to your mistaken conclusion) is that it is the most recognizable tradition today that we associate with this type of teaching. I apologize if that's caused a misunderstanding.

Regarding attacking "conventional morality", first of all, we don't attack anything. Our effort to legalize sacred sex instruction is one that defends sacred sex from attacks on the grounds that it is immoral. We base that position on universal truths of life, and how they impact human values & morality. To learn more about these, read:

Myth of Evil

Sacred Sex Values vs. Sexual Moralism

I'd also point out that you need to be careful when you use words like 'conventional' and 'tradition'. You say we "dismiss [conventional morality] and its religious manifestion and centuries of tradition as guff." You forget that our current moral 'tradition' is basically 2,000 years old (a little longer if you add the Old Testament moral code). It attacked and dismissed a sexually accepting moral code that was tradition for 10-25,000 years. So, we can debate which tradition is true and which not, but we shouldn't use 'tradition' as grounds for proof.

Just so you don't think I'm ignoring any of your points, I want to specifically comment on this sentence:

londheart · New Contributor Joined: 03 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

rahasya · Posted: January 5, 2009

Around Tantrikas, you are not going to find a lot of support for sin. Particularly the original sin in the Xian Bible: Eating of the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil.

Good and Evil, right and wrong are not simple discernments.

As a Tibetan monk, a scholar of Western history was asked "what do you think the effect of the French Revolution has been on the West?" He wisely replied "Far too early to tell."

The Black Death that killed many and could be regarded as "bad" by many means that we aren't now all Catholics, living under feudalism, which most would probably consider "good."

The fact is that "right" and "wrong" are outside of the human capacity of understanding. To commit the Original Sin .. to rudely usurp the territory of the Divine,and claim this power is possibly the only real "wrong." It is certainly a severely inflated ego-position!

It is better, perhaps to talk in terms of what one likes and dislikes. What one finds erotic, what one finds perverse. What one wants to explore, and in which area one is a ninny.

On my introductory group, I ask everyone to give permisson to the other paricipants. Everyone gets to say to everyone "I give you permission to explore, in your life, even that which I am too scared to explore in mine."

I recommend you meditate a bit deeply into this idea that you know right and wrong. Especially into weather this "knowing" has anything to do with your own personal experience of existence, or if it is just a set of "values", not "yours", and certainly not "knowlege" that have been given to you in your raising!

londheart · New Contributor Joined: 03 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

Gary Joseph · Posted: January 5, 2009

This whole discussion shows the answer to the debate. As we can all see, points of view can be debated, justified, and judged from all sides. There is no 'right' and 'wrong' in that sense -- only what is right for you.

Londheart, your response to my question is exactly right on, and THAT is the point:

londheart · New Contributor Joined: 03 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

I think when you're dealing with the law, you need to be clinical in a way which can seem unfamiliar and inhuman. Now what is 'sex?' Many people would be inclined to include voyeurism, titillation, nudity, masturbation and much physical contact in that. Others might argue otherwise, defining sex strictly in terms of a procreative act - on that basis, it sometimes occurs to me, Clinton's denials were not a lie.
I'm not always sure that the law is a good influence or master - it seems to lead, for example, to prolix and unrealistically strict regulations that fail to capture popular interest or observance. Religious law, which often enshrines the sanctity of marriage, and 'sex,'within it, however we define that, can seem more relevant and understood on a popular level.

Gary Joseph · Posted: January 5, 2009

We're simply concerned with what is defined as 'illegal' sexual contact, as defined by law in various jurisdictions. You're right -- that varies greatly by jurisdiction. When sexuality is combined with practices that raise the sexual energy to induce expanded heart & mind, it is a sacred and uplifting act, and ought not be illegal, even when taught for money.

londheart · New Contributor Joined: 03 Jan 2009 Posts: 8

I feel close to exhaustion on this one, but would you accept a rider that long-term effects of activities have to be taken into account in assessing their value, positive or negative?

Gary Joseph · Posted: January 5, 2009

Absolutely -- we should account for all values.

rahasya · Posted: January 6, 2009

Thanks for your interest, and I hope I continue the rap in a way that will be of use to whoever comes across it.

First, Gary Joseph has my thanks and respect for getting this forum going, and contributing an impressive and useful body of information.

We have differing views on a couple of things, but seem to manage the EQ fairly well ;-)

I am a teacher of Tantra, have been at that some years now, with what I call success (mainly, students that have become practicing teachers themselves). If you're interested in my school's work, our site is http://tantraschool.co.za

The black death thing... I think credit must go to Dan Carlin (hardcore history) podcast. Pretty sure that's where I first heard the idea. Basically the stagnant, largely deforestated, subsistence based, but unsustainable, heriditary culture suddenly had a shortage of workers, which enabled workers to negotiate wages and working conditions, eventually giving rise to individual rights and trade unions. Onthe religious front, the RCC had everything solidly controlled. Had had it that way a long time too. The depletion of their priests meant they had to reduce priest quality control, and make the job more attractive. Gross corruption followed, and this generation or two of bad priests ensured/enabled/required protest, and first protestantism and then other "heresies" got into the culture.

Of course... who knows if any of this is ultimately "good"… I like some of it, but I refuse to make that judgement. Not mine to make.

.. which is the point of what I am suggesting, directly, and undiluted. as an absolute. I am aware how dangerous absolutes can be, but this one , in my experience, is so useful as to be considered mandatory.

I am not at all respectful of many traditions/positions. There are idiots and dangerous people out there, along with the sweetly motivated. I don't actively "disrespect" them either. I don't go to Christian groups and tell them that they are so hopelessly sexually fascinated, addicted and perverted by their sexual repression that they have no possibility of ever again managing the attainments of their saints.

"rahasya said:
It is better, perhaps to talk in terms of what one likes and dislikes.

Except when it gets out of control.
But I think you may be referring to the need to temper one's perceptions in company, for the sake of politeness(?). "

.. no.

I mean that it is a useful attitude, mental discipline or approach to issues of "right" and"wrong" at ANY scale with an understanding that "I in truth do not know right and wrong" and be forced to "I have no standard by which I can judge. I must make my choice, on my own responsibility. My response can be guided or chosen from my response to the moment, to whatever degree of honesty and depth I choose to respond from. It cannot be guided by my notions of right and wrong, because that is not within my capacity"

I know how strange, how mad this can sound. I know psychologists tell us with certainty that a child of 4 or so "knows right from wrong". bull****. A four year old has discerned what culturally appropriate responses are required. Nothing to do with right and wrong at all.

Tantra (not official ss-now point of view) uses uncompromising insistence on the truth as a method to at least dispel the known veils/occlusions, the understood but commonly accepted cultural lies, no matter how nice or how commonly accepted they may be.

I do seriously recommend to anyone that can understand the suggestion, as I believe the Bible does, an attitude of denouncing/resisting the idea that one knows right and wrong, as a matter of truth.

Forcing any idea, even this idea, that I like so much that I'm tempted to call it "good", but I won't, forcing any idea is an "untrue" thing.

This is a "use a thorn to remove a thorn" strategy. One uproots, removes a false idea by temporarily forcing an opposing view. When the (usually troublesome) view is confronted and removed, the forced view that was used to address it is also discarded. In the case of this particular view about right and wrong, no discarding will be required, because it happens to be true.

So, sure, I urge you, and anyone I can, whether I know anything about you/them or not to at least explore, inquire into this seemingly foolish idea, and discover if there are perhaps a few areas of your life where automatic beliefs are limiting or no longer in accord with what you want.

And, sure, I give more or less unsolicited and advice, and random preaching ... this is a forum. What to do. One takes a wild guess.

I have had all sorts of people making the most amusing, flattering, insulting and every other kind of assumptions about me, from a few words.

Maybe this clarifies things a bit, or clouds them, who can know. Just, for sure, this is an individual's opinion, not the opinion of any organisation or school, Gary J's, or mine.