Gary Joseph's sacred sex experiences
SSS Founder shares experience & insights on awakening
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Joined: 16 Jun 2004
Location: SSS Home
|Gary Joseph's sacred sex experiences Posted: July 18, 2010
|As founder of the Society for Sacred Sexuality, I feel it's appropriate that I add my own sacred sex experience to this archive. In doing so, I hope to give some idea of the kind of experience to which my teaching leads. I also hope that it adds to the archive in a general sense, and that all the experiences together show the great variety and personal nature of the experience.
My first sacred sex experience had little to do with sex, but was certainly sacred. It was not triggered by sex and did not directly relate to sex, though as you'll see, it led me on a journey to discover sacred sex and to share it with the world. Also, the experience, which came to me in a purely spiritual setting, is essentially the same as ones I have later had through sacred sex. More important, it awakened me to a fundamental truth about sex and Spirit, and that is this:
All true spiritual experience is essentially sexual in that it is a union of male & female life principles — Universal Being & Energy. Likewise, all sexual experience is spiritual in that orgasm is a flood of energy that leads to ecstatic being. That is ultimately why I label this purely "spiritual" experience as a sacred sex one. Sex and Spirit are intimately intertwined.
The value of sacred sex is that it extends, expands, deepens, and repeats the experience of orgasm over and over, bringing Spirit more and more into your life. Eventually, Spirit is married to worldly life permanently, a state called 'enlightenment' in pure spiritual terms, and known as 'sexual enlightenment' in sacred sex.
My first experience falls under two categories in this Forum. It was spontaneous in that it was totally unexpected and came without any effort or intention on my part. In fact, I would say that it went against much of what I thought spiritual experience to be and how it dawns. At the same time, it also falls into the category of 'special circumstance' because, while unexpected, I realized in the immediate aftermath that it came for a specific reason, and was not a random event. I won't go into detail of what triggered it here because I want to focus on the experience itself, but if you want to know more about that, read here.
My later sacred sex experiences, which also first came spontaneously but which I now practice consciously, fall into the category of — surprise — experiences evoked by SSS Teachings. My natural experience became the basis for what I now teach as sacred sex. I'll also describe some of these.
Before I describe my first sacred sex experience, I'll give some background as that will put it in context and clarify why it was indeed a sacred sex experience. For many years beforehand, I had been practicing yoga meditation. Over that time I had had many quiet blissful experiences of Pure Being. Yoga has various names for this state, including samadhi, transcendental consciousness, or simply your Inner Self. One is more descriptive of the experience: 'sat chit ananda', which is Sanskrit for 'eternal bliss consciousness'.
The relevant point here though, is that this is a meditative state, enjoyed in silent stillness of your mind. Picture Buddha sitting in quiet meditation. This state of Pure Being is also God within you, and in that sense, is your Inner Male essence. In Yoga, the state is embodied by the male god Shiva, known for his transcendent awareness.
But meditative bliss is not the end aim of life. Yoga describes a state called 'nitya samadhi', which means 'eternal' or permanent samadhi. In this state, more simply called 'enlightenment', one enjoys meditative bliss even while engaged in dynamic activity. Yoga calls the mechanism for this 'Shakti'. Shakti is the Universal Energy present in Universal Being. It is the Cosmic Energy by which Silent Being creates and sustains the universe. In the West, we refer to this Universal Energy simply as 'Nature'.
Shakti is also female. In India, Shakti is a common name for the Goddess. In the West too, we see her as female, often calling her 'Mother Nature'. But Yoga gives a more complete picture: Shakti is seen as Shiva's consort. Universal Being & Energy eternally go together. To show how intimately they are related, Shiva & Shakti are often depicted as two halves of one deity.
When Shiva & Shakti are both consciously present in life, you enjoy blissful Being throughout your daily activity. This is enlightenment.
As I mentioned, up to this time I had had many Shiva type experiences, but Shakti was a vague and distant concept. I had little idea what the experience was like, or how to get it. In fact, what vague ideas I did have were wrong. I thought enlightenment meant living in the world without interest or involvement, absorbed instead in inner bliss. And I thought the way to it was to shun desire & activity, which resonated with my experience that I never cared much for anything in life. My surprise awakening changed all that.
My Shakti awakening came, appropriately enough, in activity, not meditation. I had recently finished training for something I had never tried before — healing work — and was settling in to a comfortable routine after getting used to my new environment. I began giving a treatment as usual, without thought of anything else.
As I got in the flow of what I was doing, I felt a warm glow at the base of my spine. This was new to me and I didn't know what it was, but it felt natural and good, and didn't interfere with my work, so I continued. Over the next several seconds it grew stronger, and then began rising up my spine. It felt very energizing. As it rose up my back, the warm energy began radiating out, filling my whole body. Now it was really drawing my attention, yet I found that I was able to continue working without distraction. It was as though my body had a mind of its own while mine was drawn elsewhere.
As the energy rose up my neck and into my head, I began to see it as light. It was not visible light, or blinding light like when you come into light after a long period of darkness; it was more like inner illumination, accompanied by an 'aha' experience when you remember something you've been trying to recall for ages, or finally figure out a vexing problem, only infinitely more profound. It was like getting the answer — experientially, not intellectually — to the question, "Who am I?" It was like my mind was suddenly enlightened — the "light" of knowingness was switched on.
If the experience had ended there, it would have been extraordinary enough, but the most remarkable part was just beginning.
To that point, I felt like 'I' was having the experience, like you or I might have any other experience. The 'I' is individual ego, which we typically identify with everything that comprises our individuality: our mind, body, senses, personality, etc. But I was about to learn who 'I' really was.
When the light & energy filled my mind and flooded my body, it seemed that would be the end of it. After all, what more could it fill? But having risen up my spine, radiated throughout my body, and poured into my mind, it then flowed out my senses and began filling the room. I mainly associated it with sight — everything I saw was part of 'me' — though it no doubt included all my senses. Like the inner light though, I didn't physically see anything new. Instead, I felt myself — my sense of I — expand to everything I saw. Just as you would look at your arm or leg with a knowingness that it's 'yours', so I felt that about everything in the room.
I will add that this expansion of self didn't come instantaneously. It's not like a switch came on and I 'knew' I was the room and everything in it. Rather, it was a distinct pouring out of knowingness. It was like liquid light, energy, and awareness that rose up my spine, flooded my mind, and overflowed into the room. I had the distinct sense that I was growing and expanding in awareness of who I was. As the out-pouring unfolded, I felt more & more expanded.
Then I got another surprise. My expanding self did not stop at the walls of the room. I said that my self-sense was tied to my sight; what I saw, I felt I was. Since I could not see past the walls, it again seemed that would be the end of it. But the pouring energy did not stop there. It continued radiating out, filling creation. I literally felt, as God would feel, that 'I am Creation'.
Here I should explain that this entire experience did not unfold on the bed of common awareness, like some other new experience you might have in common waking state. As the energy rose up my spine and filled my mind & body, my awareness grew increasingly absorbed in it. I felt my mind being powerfully drawn inward to a meditative state of Being. This was the only part of the experience that I recognized — my deep Inner Self. It was on the bed of this identity, this sense of Self, that my outwardly expanding presence played out. It was my Inner Self that I felt expanding out. Or rather, I was becoming conscious of an expanded Self that always exists, but was shrouded by my ignorant mind. I was awakening to God within me. He is always there, but we are unaware.
In meditation, I had experienced God within — my Universal Self. But I had only enjoyed it in that withdrawn silence. Now it overtook my senses. I literally 'saw' myself as Universal Being. I knew myself to be that in everything I laid eyes on, and even that which I could not see.
By now you might be wondering what became of the treatment I was giving, since I was so wholly absorbed in my experience. That is, to my mind, the most fascinating part of all. Just as I felt my Inner Self pour into the room, so did it pour into my arms and hands and into my treatment client. Here though, I distinctly felt universal healing energy flowing out my hands, of the sort you would expect Christ had in his healings.
What's more, my treatment continued, but I didn't feel to be doing anything! It was like my Inner Self was the pilot of a flight that had been put on auto-pilot. Everything continued as it had — and I completed the treatment without mistake or problem — but I felt like the energy that had filled and poured out of me was performing the treatment.
Shakti, Universal Energy, performed the act, with Shiva, my Inner Self, silently witnessing it.
More still, this energy emanating from the core of my being was distinctly nourishing, healing, and female. The energy of Shiva, my inner male essence, was clearly female. It was the loving energy a mother would pour onto her child. Shakti, the perfect partner of Shiva, is female.
Shakti also was not separate from me. It was not that Silent Being & Pure Energy were two distinct sides to the experience. She was MY energy, just as you would say that 'you' (ego) walk down the street, even though ego defines who you are, not what you do. She was my own nature. Shiva & Shakti were in perfect union. It was, in the truest sense of the term, a sacred sex experience.
Shakti is not just nature outside. She is YOUR nature. She is ingrained in every creature as the nature that impels them to act. She is present in every grain of creation as the impulse to do whatever it is that that grain does. Shakti is omnipresent, as the nature of Shiva, throughout creation. Nature is in you as your nature, and when enlightenment dawns, your nature comes alive. All the best qualities of your active, dynamic nature shine forth, AND you enjoy the silent bliss of your Inner Self while you act. You live the union of Shiva & Shakti.
And my experience, accompanied by a complete sense of timelessness — an ever-present 'now', revealed that union to be also eternal. That Union, whether we are conscious of it or not, is present in every grain and at every moment of creation. It is the ultimate reality.
I will note here that I do not speak of this experience lightly. Before this, I have scarcely even mentioned it to anyone, and have never described it in detail. I am not interested in notoriety on account of it; I share it only in the hope of inspiring others to wake up themselves. I am cautious-minded by nature, especially with regard to spiritual experience. I do not indulge in or chase after "esoteric practices" or "supernatural powers" like many on this journey. I did not seek out this experience; it was wholly unexpected, and as I said above, it even flew in the face of much of what I thought to be true. I have never used hallucinogenic drugs, nor had psychotic episodes of any kind. I have never had 'visions' or other paranormal spiritual experiences (other than described here, if you want to call it that, which I don't). In short, I'm just an average person who was fortunate enough to awaken to the same truth of life to which saints and mystics for ages past have awakened, and to which anyone in the world today can also awaken. It is an awakening available to everyone at all times.
Eternal though the Sacred Sex Union of life is, my awareness of it did fade. I don't know exactly how long it lasted, though I deduced from events that it was 15-30 minutes. Afterward, I felt what I can only describe as afterglow — an energized rejuvenation that you might expect from drinking at the fabled fountain of youth. As I walked back to my room after the treatment, I felt buoyant and weightless to the point that I looked down at my feet several times to be sure they were touching the ground! In my room, I looked at my radiant face in the mirror; my eyes, typically normal green, were more like emerald.
Over the next few days the experience returned, less vividly each time. It came under the exact same circumstance (giving treatments), and never under any other circumstance. In time it settled into a continuous afterglow — a quiet bliss that is typically present throughout the day. While I was no longer directly conscious of Shiva & Shakti, there was — and remains to this day over 20 years later — a sense of their presence with me at all times.
This is the same as a child might have when she or he goes out to play, knowing that mother is at home to care for her/him. The child doesn't constantly think of her, in fact, he forgets her completely while wrapped up in his play, but knowing of her presence makes all the difference in his happiness and well-being. Were he without a mother and home, he would find little joy in play.
More than a mere sense though, I soon learned of Shakti's ever-presence in more tangible ways. First, I saw her healing effect on my body. In the days and weeks following my experience, I found relief for aches and pains that often nagged. For years, I needed a backrest to meditate, due to a work injury suffered in my teens. For about a week after my experience I literally felt the cells in my back healing — actually, though it may sound strange, the exact description I would use is that I felt my cells being fed or nourished by medicinal elixir and recovering their original health. The fountain of youth analogy comes to mind again. After a week or so, I never needed I backrest again.
But her presence in my body pales compared to her 'outside' presence in my daily life. Since that day and continuing uninterrupted to the present, she has shown herself in the most amazing ways. Usually purposeful but sometimes frivolous and even humorous, often surprising and even near miraculous, usually nurturing but sometimes chiding, and always with intelligence behind it (i.e. a reason for what she does), she can show up in life at any time, in any place, to any effect.
The 'reason' behind everything she does is, in one word, evolution. Shakti — Nature — as any scientist will tell you, is ever working for universal evolution. In your life, she works for your personal evolution. Everything that she reveals of herself to you is for your personal evolution.
What's more, Shakti shows up in everyone's life in ways that are unique to that person's nature. She shows up just the way you'd want her to show up (if you had the power to direct outside events, which you don't). The reason for this is that 'your' nature is not really yours — you are part of her. She is really showing herself to herself the way she wants. (And as for power to direct outside events, it is all her power, not yours.)
The personal nature of these experiences can make them difficult to explain to others. What is personally meaningful to one is likely random and meaningless to others. Nevertheless, their repeated occurrence day after day and their consistent evolutionary guidance over time make it impossible to pass them off as random or coincidental events. This gives a very satisfying objective proof to what is otherwise a subjective experience, and refutes those who doubt such experiences. I discuss this in the lesson on Sexual Enlightenment.
For what it's worth, I will describe one such episode in my life, to give some idea of how this can happen.
Some of you might be familiar with what are called "11:11" phenomena. These are events that center around the number 11:11, which shows itself in various ways in connection with spiritual growth. Often, these take the form of noticing the time, date, an address, or some other form of the number (or near variation, like 1:11) at the precise moment that a fortuitous event occurs, an epiphany dawns, or we simply open ourselves to spiritual guidance from the universe. A growing number of people witness such events and attest to their meaning in their lives.
One very prominent, though largely unnoticed, example of 11:11 on a global scale is the peace that ended our first global conflict, World War I. The global peace, which took effect at 11:00AM on November 11 (11/11) 1918, is annually celebrated in many nations (as Armistice Day, Veteran's Day, or Remembrance Day). The moment of peace is frequently recalled in speeches as occurring at the "eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month."
11:11 events have a dual purpose. First, they are there to show you that you are not alone; that nature is there to support and guide your evolution. Second, they are there to give specific guidance. 11:11 events most often come at moments of decision in life to show that the direction you intend to take is right. You may be offered a new job or meet someone new, and are wondering whether to pursue the work or friendship. You casually glance at your watch and the time stares back at you — 11:11. Nature is telling you to follow that lead.
The number itself is not random, and has specific meaning in the context of sacred sex, which you can read about here.
After my awakening as described above (and I call it 'awakening' not only because of the experience itself, but also because it triggered all the events like the one you are about to read, as well as the entire sacred sex teaching that you find on this site), I began to have many 11:11 experiences, of varied significance. At first I didn't even know what these were, having never heard of 11:11 phenomena. I simply noticed that the number kept popping up in my life, way more often and too precisely timed to be a coincidence. It was only after overhearing someone speak of it that I began to appreciate its meaning.
Often it related to relatively minor details — daily projects and activities to advance my growth. Sometimes though, nature used 11:11 events, along with other means, to lead me in entirely new directions or on major undertakings.
One such journey came several years after my awakening. Since my awakening itself, I periodically had thoughts of healing people with the energy that streamed out of my hands on that day. And given the fact that I regularly saw the universe participating in events of my life, I even thought it was a way that nature wanted to use to bring attention to spiritual life. (That is how deep an impression all this had on me.)
On a personal level, I was convinced that my initial awakening experience had left because the treatment environment I was in didn't draw it out. I thought that if I stepped into a true healing role, that the energy and experience would return. I would not only find my personal enlightenment, but would also bring it to the world. The more I thought this way, the more the universe showed me signs, including 11:11 events, that this is what I was to do. So I began thinking and planning, whimsically at first but then seriously as nature continued to push in this direction, where to go and what to do. I believed I had a date with destiny, and that I had to figure out when and where.
As I pondered this, the thought came to go to Russia. And as the idea entered my mind, I immediately saw the purpose in it. America and Russia had for decades been the focus of global conflict, and with Russia newly opening up to the world (it was 1994), an American healing in Russia seemed the perfect way to heal the East-West rift. Nature, through many 11:11 events, seemed to agree. She showed even more support when I settled on the time — 11:11AM on 11/11.
The city that came to mind was St. Petersburg (the reason for that is a whole other story), and after gathering information about a place I knew nothing about, I chose Palace Square under the Alexander Column. This is the main city square, an enormous outdoor plaza not unlike St. Peter's Square at the Vatican in size and feel.
I should mention that I had absolutely no connection to Russia before this time (other than 1/4 distant ancestry). Neither did I have any more than general knowledge of it. What's more, I didn't have any money to get there. Yet I went about researching and planning my trip without any concern for these things, knowing it would work out exactly the way it was meant to work out.
My plan was to fly into Moscow a week early, get acclimated, then take a train to St. Petersburg. I carefully chose a hotel near the square and made arrangements for English-speaking guides as needed. My arrival in Moscow is an interesting side-story that needs some background.
Several months before this whole trip played out, my computer monitor went black. This was unusual because one of the things that changes when you live in harmony with your nature is that very little goes wrong. Nature flows like a river, and when you move along with the natural current, she helps you along and there is very little resistance. Problems and obstacles come from swimming against the current. (I explain this more in the Sexual Enlightenment lesson.) When something does go "wrong," there's usually a reason, and it's often a sign to change direction. So I learned to take note of such events.
I had a tech friend come over and look at my monitor. He opened it up (it was one of those old CRTs) as I watched with interest. When he removed the casing, the name of the company that made the picture tube stared out at me: GoldStar. I had never heard of the firm, I liked the name, and was mildly amused to find that all my computer work had a "GoldStar seal of approval." The monitor glitch turned out to be a simple blown fuse, fixed in 10 seconds, and I was up and running. I was left to wonder why the universe thought it so important that I see the name. Then I promptly forgot about it, until months later when I arrived in Moscow.
My flight arrived at night and the large, stark, and dimly lit terminal was mainly empty. After clearing customs, I proceeded to baggage claim, which was at the bottom of a long escalator, and which I had an open view of from the balcony above. It was more well lit and the only thing that stood out in the plain and empty space were the numerous luggage carts haphazardly strewn about. I was travelling light, but still I appreciated the convenience.
Reaching the lower level, I went for a cart. Imagine my surprise when I saw, over 5000 miles away in Russia, 'GoldStar' emblazoned on the handle where my soon-to-be healing hands laid rest. Astonished, I quickly checked other carts as I pondered why this American company was so heavily promoting in Russia; every cart said 'GoldStar'. I took it as a very good sign.
I got the answer to my question shortly later. I had arranged for a driver to take me to my hotel and was sitting in the back seat as we drove down a nearly black boulevard. Trees must have lined the road because there were no buildings or lights on either side. There was nothing to see and I had no idea where I was. Then we must have come to a rise in the road and I happened to glance out the front windshield. Rising above the road in the pitch black was a blazing red neon 'GoldStar', atop what I assume was a large divisional office in Moscow. I sat back in awe of the amazing orchestrating power of this universal energy that had shown itself to me.
The rest of my run-up to 11/11 was mainly uneventful, but that all changed upon my arrival in St. Petersburg. And from my perspective then, events did not go as planned. I knew something was awry right away, on the drive from the train station to my hotel. Though I didn't know the city, I knew my carefully chosen hotel was near the city center, the Neva River that cuts through it, and within view of a prominent architectural site I knew from pictures. And my driver was driving the opposite direction. We exchanged words about the name of the hotel and where it was located, but he assured me he knew where he was going. I grew more uneasy the further we got from Palace Square, and was frantically looking around for anything I might recognize from guide books to get bearings on where I was.
After an uncomfortably long drive, he veered left into a parking lot and announced, "Here we are," as if to affirm that we were where we were supposed to be. At that moment, my eyes fell on a most curious building address out the right-hand window of the car. The number was '11', but that's not all. In what must be customary for the city, addresses are set on a triangular base that juts out from the wall so that (I assume) pedestrians can easily see the number approaching on the sidewalk from either side. One triangle face attaches to the building, and the other two, each with a number, face (more or less) up and down the sidewalk. As we drove by, it read a perfect '11 | 11'. But it was on the right, and we were turning left. I watched 11:11 fade away. Clearly, "here we are" was right, and not right, at the same time.
I checked in to what was distinctly less than the 4-star hotel I thought I was getting. Yet they had my reservation, as arranged, and so I was left to wonder why I was "meant to be" in such a wrong place. When I asked why the lobby seemed in such disarray, I was told the whole hotel was undergoing renovation. Indeed. By this time, I had serious doubts that my healing event was going to transpire as planned.
To make a long story short, I was at Palace Square in St. Petersburg, Russia, by the Alexander Column, on November 11, 1994, at 11:11AM — just in case. But by then I had realized it was just another learning step on the journey of awakening to my true nature. There are still aspects to the trip that may yet play out, but mostly I took it as a sign to change direction away from healing.
In the years since, through similar type experiences that have guided me, I discovered sacred sex and founded this organization. I now believe that my "healing work" is through this beautiful teaching that unites Shiva & Shakti — Universal Being & Energy — within you, and makes you whole.
As an epilogue, I just now learned, in looking up GoldStar corporation, that they restructured and changed names in 1995, the year following the above events. I was restructuring too. And to cap it off, when I was considering which story to tell to show how sacred sex awakening plays out in life, the idea came to share this one. But then I thought it was too long, so I checked whether I had time to write. It was, not surprisingly, 1:11. I took that as a sign that nature wants me to share it, and if you are reading this now, I'm equally sure there's a reason for it. Note that the time was 1:11. I guess the other 11 comes later.
THE 'SACRED' & 'SEX' IN SACRED SEXAs I look back at my experiences from the perspective of being a sacred sex teacher, I see that they gave me a clear vision of the 'sacred' in sex. They all came at a time in my life when I knew little about the knowledge or practice of sacred sex as it is commonly known. My life then was devoted entirely to Spirit. But I see now, that these are sacred sex experiences in their truest sense. And this helps me keep sight of the true aim of sacred sex, which is to attain these experiences — to rise to sexual enlightenment.
In a sense, I learned sacred sex backwards. Most people learn the practice, and through the practice rise to the experience. I got the experience by other means (meditation, etc.); the practice came after. You could also say that I learned sacred sex from the top down. I began with the goal (spiritual awakening) and then learned the means. Most people learn from the bottom up, starting with basic practice and rising up the ladder of experience. Many sacred sex teachers are even on this ladder themselves, helping others while they climb. This is all well and good, but without a clear vision and experience of the goal, it is hard to know which practices best get you there, and which have little value. Sacred sex by nature is a desireful, sensuous practice, and it is easy to get lost in sexual practice for its own sake. A clear vision of the sacred guides sex in the right direction.
So what about the sex? After my life-change in the 90's (and another soon after), I began devoting more time & energy to my growing interest in sacred sex. This interest itself was not random, but rather a natural consequence of my awakening. To understand why, you must understand the physiological link between sex and spirit. That link is 'kundalini'.
Kundalini, to those familiar with Eastern spiritual practice, is the life energy that resides at the base of your spine. It drives the central nervous system, which is housed in the spinal column, and guides all life function. It typically flows at a rate that merely sustains basic life and common intelligence. I say 'merely' because, though scientists assume common life function to be the natural and normal extent of this energy, it is in fact capable of flowing much more freely and fully, fueling much higher functioning, intelligence, and experience. The energized and ecstatic experience of orgasm is one such example.
When kundalini flows freely and fully enough, it results in spiritual awakening, and when permanently free flowing, it supports enlightenment and "supernormal" life functioning associated with the Christs, Buddhas, and Krishnas of our history.
Those familiar with the experience will recognize the awakening I described above as a kundalini opening, though I didn't define it in any intellectual way when it occurred. It just happened. This shows that it can happen to common people too, not just those whom we deify. The 'Kingdom of Heaven' is in all.
Kundalini, being your life energy, expresses itself in different people in different ways. Though it's the same universal energy, filtered through your nervous system, it acts differently. It is YOUR nature — your natural desires & tendencies in life. Thus kundalini is just another name for Shakti — the Goddess, or Nature — within you.
When kundalini rises up the spine and floods the brain, it opens awareness to Pure Being — God within you. God and Goddess unite in your conscious awareness, and you awaken to their Sacred Union. That is sexual enlightenment.
Again, when this happened to me, I didn't intellectually define it as "God & Goddess" or "Shiva & Shakti"; it just happened, but that's what it was.
One of the things that helped me to see that is the suddenness with which it happened. I mentioned that I had many experiences of Pure Being in meditation. No such experience occurs without the free flow of kundalini. But meditation opens kundalini gently and gradually, so that you may not even feel its flow. In meditation, I never specifically felt kundalini at the base of or flowing up my spine. (That's not to say it's not possible in meditation, because it is, and many do; but I never did, and it's not inherent in the awakening experience.) But in my awakening, kundalini opened with such strength that I was consciously aware of the sensation in my body, even though, as I said, I didn't name it such at the time.
The intensity with which it happened allowed me to clearly see the two components involved — the Shakti energy and the Shiva (Pure Being) experience.
The fact that kundalini is released during sexual orgasm (and to a lesser degree in all sexual arousal) is the entire basis for sex being sacred. If not for this fact, sacred sex would be a hopeless, vain, and fanciful act. In fact, it is precisely due to their lack of understanding of this simple biological fact that detractors claim it to be exactly that. Kundalini is the fuel that drives sacred sex.
Indeed, sexual arousal really just means "arousal that is induced sexually." The main point is arousal — perked up energy, enthusiasm, and heightened awareness — resulting from freer flowing life energy: kundalini. The fact that sex induces it is really secondary; anything can trigger it — meditation, falling in love, discovering work that's true to your nature as I did above, or something else. But sex is a special trigger because of its power and universal appeal. That's what makes sacred sex a potent spiritual path for everyone.
So, to put it shortly & sweetly, what spurred my passion and inspired my interest for sacred sex was that, after my awakening, my kundalini was flowing more freely & fully. It felt akin to orgasm, and I wanted more. Plus, with more life energy flowing through the body, it is natural for one to feel more youthful, virile, and vital. Increased sexual energy is a common byproduct of kundalini opening. I was no exception.
I briefly describe how sacred sex came to me here. But now I want to share some of my personal experiences with it, to show their relation to earlier spiritual ones, and to show what is possible through sacred sex.
In general, I would describe my growing sacred sex experience as one of deepening and lengthening orgasmic ecstasy. Though that may not sound like much (and even vague and meaningless to some), there is more to it than meets the eye. Let me explain.
Orgasm, as mentioned above, results from a flood of life energy in the body — kundalini. In orgasm, we feel what we might easily describe as 'ecstatic being', akin to the quiet, blissful Being of meditation. I say "akin to" because meditative Being is silent and settled, whereas orgasmic ecstasy is pregnant with energy. It is more like the awakening I described above, in which ecstatic being coexists with activity. And as also mentioned above, this is a hallmark of enlightenment — the ability to live Pure Being in the world. Orgasm is therefore a powerful way to integrate Pure Being into active life, and bring about sexual enlightenment. This is the Shiva-Shakti union.
From a personal perspective, having been trained in meditation techniques specially designed to "activate" Being — to integrate it with activity — I can vouch for the resemblance between that experience and orgasm.
Two questions then come up. First, why then isn't common sex enough to bring about awakening? I explain this in detail elsewhere (mainly Sacred Sex Lesson 4), but the short answer is that in common sex, your body wastes all its energy in the effort to glimpse that moment of ecstasy. Having spent your energy, you can't sustain the experience. It's like shooting fireworks up in the air. You release explosive force and reach great heights, lighting up your mind with "ooohs" and "ahhhhs" at its peak, but with energy spent, it fizzles out.
That leads to the second question, which is what is so special about sacred sex that it leads to permanent awakening? Or put another way, how does sacred sex permanently integrate ecstatic being into life? The answer is just what I described in my experience: by deepening and lengthening orgasmic ecstasy to the point that it becomes permanently ingrained in your system. Orgasm by nature is energized being; all you need do is extend and expand that experience.
So what is extended orgasm and how does it feel? First, some benchmarks so you can compare: conventional orgasm typically lasts 5-10 seconds; men typically have one (2-3 for the young and virile, though increasingly less intense), while women typically range from 0 to a few. In the vast majority of cases, sex is a once-and-done firework launch.
In my sacred sex experience over the years, I have found that I can have more and more orgasms at a time, and that they last longer and longer. At first I had 2 or 3 of this type of climax, lasting about the same time and feeling about the same as a conventional orgasm. Over time, the number built up along with the duration. I commonly had 10-20 orgasms, or more, in succession. The first few would last 5-10 seconds like common orgasm, or maybe a bit longer. Then as the energy built up, they lasted 15-30 seconds or more. And after about five of these, they started to run together in a continuous orgasm lasting several minutes.
During this continuous climax, the ecstasy comes in waves of intensity ranging from relatively calm (which feels blissfully relaxing and rejuvenating) to full-blown explosive orgasm. Rather than a one-time firework, orgasm is like a continuously spouting geyser that reaches varying heights due to the fluctuating underground pressure, but which always floods the mind. Another analogy is waves that continuously roll in, but with peaks and valleys.
Unlike the experience of young studs who orgasm several times but with decreasing intensity, intensity increases with each successive sacred sex orgasm, because you are continually feeding the fire. Each set of waves that roll in get higher and higher.
How is this possible? Again, I describe this in detail mainly in Lesson 4, but the short answer, for men anyway, is that you can orgasm without ejaculating. With ejaculation, all the life energy that goes into creating your seed — and believe me, it's a lot — spills out. You literally drain yourself of life energy. (Women also lose energy from conventional orgasm, especially clitoral ones, but much less than men, allowing them to more easily have multiple orgasms.)
For many years, the experience itself was much like regular orgasm (except for the much longer duration and lulls in the wave). The peaks felt like highly charged ecstasy, just like common orgasm. But more recently I've been going into a state that I can only describe as 'rapture'. It starts after several orgasms, when the energy builds and they run together. A peak comes with its charged ecstasy. This lasts 10 seconds or so (longer with each successive wave). Then, instead of a lull of quiet ecstasy like before, I fall into a trance-like rapture that is completely silent, still, and timeless, yet simultaneously charged with ecstasy. My body feels perfectly relaxed, not charged up like in common orgasm, yet my mind enjoys the common ecstatic charge. Obviously this is nearly impossible to explain, but here's another analogy. Imagine that you are a forest, with trees gently swaying in the breeze but largely peaceful and quiet — alive in a serene way. Now envision, also part of you, a gushing, brimming, cascading river streaming through, continuously exhilarating and freshly rejuvenating you, without end. That is how it feels — serene bliss with ever-flowing ecstasy. You never want to come out.
I don't know exactly how long this rapture lasts; though it feels timeless I do have some sense of "real" (worldly) time, and it feels to be near a minute or more (shorter at first, then longer with each successive rapture).
There is literally no end to number of times I can go into this state (or even the wave-like orgasms described before). I simply continue until I feel like I've had enough or I decide, "Okay, time to get some work done(!)" I usually call it quits after 30-60 minutes. Sometimes I do "quickies" of 5-10 minutes. Someday I suppose I'll set aside the time to do it all day, just to see what happens.
Here I would like to quote the sacred sex experience of someone else, for several reasons. First, to verify that such experience is possible. Second, to show that it's not the strange fantasy of one individual. Third, to affirm the sanctity of it. And fourth, to send a message to religious minded people who are no doubt skeptical about the nature of such experience.
The quote is from none other than St. Teresa of Avila, a 16th century nun known for her passionate relationship with Christ. Her words speak for themselves:
"As my capacity for prayer developed, I found that in prayer my ordinary mental faculties fell asleep, and my senses grew dim. Then a new feeling, a new sensation, began to rise up through my body to my neck. I was powerless to control this experience: I could not hasten it nor prevent it. I was like a man on the point of dying the death he desires: in his final agony there is overwhelming joy. I was dying to the world, and discovering spiritual delights which I could not have imagined. I did not know what to do, whether to laugh or cry, whether to speak or be silent. It was a glorious confusion, a heavenly madness."
"I began to experience true ecstasy, which I believe to be the highest form of prayer.... I was overwhelmed with joy and sweetness. My body was still present, but was cold and lifeless, no longer animated by the soul. Yet the soul itself was totally and completely alive. There was no way I could resist what was happening. I had no choice but to submit myself to God. My soul was truly Christ's bride, and this was the ecstasy of the nuptial bed."
— St. Teresa of Avila, from her diaries
She describes not only kundalini ("a new feeling, a new sensation, began to rise up through my body to my neck"), but also gives a sense of the silent, witnessing soul together with her active prayerful ecstasy — Shiva & Shakti. And lest anyone doubt the way to this beatitude, Teresa is also known to have said:
|"Any real ecstasy is a sign you are moving in the right direction, don't let any prude tell you otherwise."
Christians — and followers of ALL religions everywhere — would do well to heed her words. (You can read more from St. Teresa in our Sacred Sex Text Archive.)
To me, the explanation for my 'rapture' experience is clear: Shiva & Shakti are coming together (pardon the pun) in purer and purer form. Orgasm is highly charged ecstasy — Shakti. And even though it is timeless, like Pure Being (Shiva), it still feels charged up. My recent experiences are more silently blissful AND highly charged. The forest is Shiva and the river is Shakti. It truly does feel like a sacred nuptial bed — Pure Being is the bed on which the Passion Play of life unfolds.
This is how sacred sex experience progresses in a systematic way, leading to sexual enlightenment. I summarize these steps in the Sacred Sex Glossary.
In closing, I will briefly describe one other experience to show that sacred sex can even induce experiences like my initial awakening, where the Shakti or kundalini energy flows outside your body, revealing that your 'self' (ego) is greater than you think.
This experience came during a specific sacred sex practice that involves both partners lying on their sides (in loose fetal position, upside down to each other), so that only the foreheads touch. We both then, with eyes closed, aroused our own energy through sacred sex. It wasn't long before I felt the usual nice flow of energy up my body, resulting in a mildly pleasant orgasm in the mind. Having never done the practice before, I thought that would be it, especially since we weren't arousing our energy in any real sexual way (we were using a sacred sex breath technique).
As time went on though and the ecstasy grew, I could no longer feel my partner against my forehead. It was like there was no physical container for my mind. I felt expansive, extending beyond the confines of my head. Like my awakening above, I felt like I filled the room. Only this time my eyes were closed, so the entire experience was my inner feeling — my sense of self. Throughout the experience, I was completely aware of what I normally expected to feel: my partner pressed against my forehead. But my sense of expanded self was so strong that I became convinced, despite conscious effort to physically feel her forehead pressing mine, that she wasn't there. I remember trying to feel her for 10-15 minutes until I became so certain of her absence that I actually reached up with my hand to touch her head to find out for sure.
Of course she was there, but the deeper truth was that she was part of me and only 'I' — Universal Self — was there. Sacred sex revealed it. I spoke with her about it after, and she said she had the identical experience.
Individual self is part of the Universal Self; individual ego is part of Cosmic Ego — you are a ray of God-dess. Sacred sex reveals that truth to you. It is the union of your own Pure Being & Pure Nature. Rediscovering this truth of your existence is ecstasy, and it is eternally yours in Sexual Enlightenment.
Sexual union is a mirror of Spiritual Union, and a gateway to direct experience of it.
SSS Admin Team
Joined: 29 Jun 2004
Location: Sacred Sex Learning Center
| Posted: August 6, 2010
Gary Joseph is currently writing a journal of his experiences for book publication.
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Society for Sacred Sexuality Board Administrator
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